Donna Beck Weaver      Santa Monica Divorce Attorney and Mediator

Often couples choose to visit the Mediator first, to get an overview of the process, what topics will be involved, what expertise they will need, and how they might intelligently approach the whole thing in a solution-oriented way. 

Legal advice is a good thing for people to have if they are going to be divorcing, and yet it is not the only type of exptertise they may want.  Financial expertise is also often helpful for looking at cash flow scenarios, business valuations and the like.  As the Mediator, I frequently recommend financial advisors who can work neutrally with us in the mediation process.  The financial expert is hired to provide analysis options but not to "decide."   This is a cost-effective way for couples to get financial information that they can rely upon for making their own decisions.

Likewise, I maintain a list of attorneys who have the skills to help people succeed in reaching good settlements in mediation, as an option.

As part of the mediation process, you can each consult with an attorney to help you with information and legal advice to assist you with understanding the law, and help you prioritize your concerns and goals (we call this a "cosulting attorney"). Consulting attorneys  help you reach a successful settlement in mediation, not prepare for a court battle.

Sometimes couples tell me that they are getting different information from their lawyers, and it is increasing their anxiety and the tension level between them.  They worry it might derail their discussions.  As the Mediator, I can get the attorneys together and get things sorted out so that the couple can understand if there is an actual difference of legal opinions and why. (Sometimes one lawyer will not have the whole picture.)  This allows us to use the legal information constructively and keep working toward a mutually acceptable resolution.

When you start the Mediation process first, you can orient the experts toward a cooperative, informational approach rather than an adversarial, "positioning" approach.  This can be reassuring to both of you.  This is the advantage of starting the Mediation process before hiring a lawyer.

Alternatively, if you prefer to consult with an attorney first, you can be clear with the attorney that you want to use Mediation not litigation, and ask them how they could help you go in that direction.

No one likes to hear this news when it involves their friends.  Actually, there is a thoughtful way to go about being truly helpful to those who are going through divorce.  We've written about it on Huffington Post.  Check it out at "How Can I Help?"

Yes!  I recommend that you start with these wonderful books for people going through divorce.

Health insurance is an important element of your foundation for well-being in your life after divorce.   Health insurance is too often overlooked in the upheaval of separation and divorce.  

It is important to plan ahead for continuing health insurance coverage with no gaps. Until we know for sure what new Federal Health Care legislation will mean, you should protect your existing health care insurance during divorce and arrange in advance for COBRA which will cover you after divorce.

Do This:  Keep the health insurance coverage in place!  Do not cancel!  If there is a cost, discuss with your spouse how to cover that cost on an interim basis.  Some ideas:  one of you pays, both of you pay in some proportion, or existing savings are used to cover the cost.  You can make a provision that the payments can be put on the list of items to sort out between you.

Not That:  Do not cancel your spouse's health insurance or you could end up being liable for your spouse's uninsured health care expenses that otherwise would have been covered! Also, if you cancel your spouse's coverage, then your spouse may not be eligible for COBRA continuation coverage.  This could be a double blow, and could increase your spouse's need for spousal support--which a judge might order to you pay since you caused the extra cost!

If you are having difficulty discussing this or other topics with your spouse, it is time to get a legal consultation and /or call a mediator.  Mediators have special training in managing difficult conversations.

Legally, a spouse can remain insured under the other spouse's employee group health insurance policy (as a dependent) until the divorce judgment "becomes final." The "final date" will be fixed by the Court after your matter is settled.  The final date will be a minimum of 6 months after the date the filed Petition was signed for or served on the other spouse.

Children can remain insured as dependents on the employee's policy after divorce.  (Children continue to be legal dependents, whereas the divorce judgment ends the legal relationship between the spouses.)  Costs for children's health insurance coverage and  uninsured health care expenses should be discussed and agreed upon and those arrangements will be set out in the divorce settlement document.

Confer with your spouse or your attorney to make sure that no changes are made to the health insurance policy while the divorce is pending.

Get forms from your spouse's employer at least 60 days before the "final date."  COBRA is a Federal law that guarantees the option of continued group health insurance coverage for a spouse after divorce for a period of 36 months after divorce, with no pre-existing condition limitations.  The cost is fixed by law at the same price as the employer pays for the employee's insurance plus an administrative fee. 

COBRA insurance costs may be more or less expensive than is available for you on an individual policy outside of COBRA. You can compare costs by getting a price quote from the employer as well as another insurance broker.  In planning for your expenses after divorce, it is important to budget for the cost of health insurance as well as uninsured health care expenses.